The Cabin in the Woods


‘If you go down to The Cabin in the Woods today you’re sure of a big surprise!’

Let me begin by saying that if you were planning on seeing The Cabin in the Woods based on the trailer then this review is one big spoiler, because the trailer released for the film (as discussed it my previous post) bares absolutely no relation the the film itself except in the most tenuous senses. Apparently this is an intentional marketing ploy. Yes there is a cabin in the film, and yes it is indeed located in the woods, that is were the resemblance ends. The trailer promises a film where highly technically proficient red-necks lure a group of teens out to a cabin in the woods and trap them in a high-tech maze of two way mirrors, hidden cameras, and hidden lifts to other levels. I was expecting a mash up of Vacancy (Nimrod Antal, 2007), Saw (James Wan, 2004), and Friday the 13th (Sean S. Cunninghan, 1980) with a few original Joss Whedon twists thrown in. How wrong I was…

So what is it really all about? Danna, Curt, Jules, Marty, and Holden are a bunch of young, attractive college friends driving off in their camper van to stay at a relatives cabin in the woods.  We are introduced to the group while they are packing and setting out, the idea is that each one looks to the nonplussed observer like a traditional horror stereotype; Jules is ‘the whore,’ Curt is ‘the athlete,’ Marty is ‘the fool’ aka ‘the stoner,’ Dana is ‘the virgin,’ I forget what Holden was supposed to be, because to be honest none of their characters were all that interesting. I think he was supposed to be the intelligent one. And now all we need is Judd Nelson right? But in actual fact the film-maker is trying to tell us that these characters are completely different on the inside from what you see on the outside. An example of this is in the opening scene where Curt recommends a very thick and heavy going academic book to Dana, proving that he is not a ‘jock.’ This is not entirely pulled off, however I need to flash forward and explain a bit more of the plot so that I can come back again and tell you why.

So they go merrily off to the cabin in the woods, and it all seems like a perfectly innocent romantic weekend apart from the two way mirrors, the wolf heads, and the paintings of zombies tearing people limb from limb.We know better of course, and are told as much by the parallel action running along side in a top secret US military base where Sitterson and Hadley, played by the amazing Richard Jenkins (Burn After Reading, 2008) and Bradley Whitford (The West Wing, 1999) are secretly orchestrating events in the cabin. This is where it gets quite interesting (and comic) because Sitterson and Hadley oversee the American end of an annual international competition to appease the ancient Gods of the earth. If the Gods are not appeased then the earth will end and the only thing that will appease them is the blood of the young, who must each represent a certain archetype and must all die in a certain order. This is a comment on the traditional slasher movie where usually the young characters fit certain stereotypes and tend to die in order, with the virgin being last. The cabin is an elaborate set-up rigged to encourage the kids to make certain decisions which will eventually lead to their own destruction.  The guys in the lab monitor events through the cameras and help events to go in their favour using highly advanced technology. The group go down to the basement of the cabin where they find a variety of different items that can unlock various different evils, amusingly the guys in the lab hold a betting pool on what creature will be awakened, Dana reads out a passage of Latin from a diary which unleashes a zombie redneck torture family who then proceed to try and kill everybody.

So it’s all sounding very original so far, and it is, The Cabin in the Woods is a very original film and probably will be the most original American pure horror genre film out this year. (I have worded this in order to exempt Prometheus which will be the best film of the year full stop) Now back to my previous point about why this does not entirely work for me. The main message of the film is that society needs to impose a set of stereotypes onto us, whether in horror films or in real life, in order to ‘survive’ along with it’s social structures. Within the film Marty the ‘stoner’ is the only person who can see what is really going on at each point in the action because he is the only one who can see that societies rules and conventions as a whole are a load of bat s**t. Where this does not come off is that from various indicators placed along the way we the audience are supposed to realise that the main characters are not stereotypical, and do not become their intended stereotypes until the guys in the lab (who represent larger society) impose those characteristics on them by, for example, pumping pheromones into the woods to encourage Curt an Jules to become the horny ‘jock’ and ‘whore’ stereotypes. In my view this was all very unclear, so much so that one of the characters has to spell out what is going on about half way in, the result is that the whole way through all of the characters are fairly two dimensional, with the exception of Marty, and the guys in the lab. If you are going to make a comment on horror tropes, and stereotypes that you really need to break them as well. Curt, Jules and Dana needed to be a lot more interesting.

Now what really gets my goat! Firstly the trailer, in my mind the trailer was selling me the promise of a film that would be both original, and scary. Yes Cabin is funny, yes it is original, no it is not scary. Redneck zombie torture families are NOT scary, I am so sick of seeing zombies everywhere, I am just thankful there were no Vampires! A film that purports to be a horror film even if it is funny, and original needs to contain a certain level of actual fear in order to be anything more than just a pastiche. The prime example is Scream (Wes Craven, 1996) it is a funny movie, commenting on horror tropes and conventions, and when you see it for the first time it is damn scary. Even a harden horror fan would admit that even if they were not quaking in their boots, they did care about what happened to Drew Barrymore, and they did care about what happened to Rose McGowan because those scenes contained suspense, and those characters, stereotypes or not, were well written. In many ways The Cabin in the Woods is trying to be Joss Whedon’s Scream, and it is nice that a new generation will have an experience similar to that, but at the end of the day Kevin Williamson did it better (cue rendition of Nobody Does it Better!)

My second and final big hairy goat is that the best bit of the film is where Dana and Marty go down in a lift and are confronted with a number of different scenarios that could have a occurred had they made a different choice in the cellar. This was really, really cool but left me wishing I had seen some of that instead. (stupid redneck zombies!) In the end I came away from watching The Cabin in the Woods feeling that I really need to see Evil Dead (Sam Raimi, 1981) again…

Trailer Trash April Edition


I am introducing a new monthly segment that I have originally entitled trailer trash. These segments will involve a sneak peek at the months upcoming horror films (based on U.K. release dates) and mini reviews based on the contents of the trailers. So if you have survived the zombies on the forecourts and the increased tax on your hot human flesh pasty what horrors does the rest of April have in-store for us?

The Cabin in the Woods 09/04/12

There is already a lot of buzz around this film, mostly due to Joss Whedon involvement as producer. One Whedon fan boy kindly pointed out to me that The Cabin in the Woods apparently can not be a bad film because Joss Whedon created Firefly (2002)… Personally I could not care any less about Firefly if I tried but I am a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003), and therefore willing to give my friend’s comments the benefit of the doubt. The trailer begins with a group of twenty some-things taking a trip in their camper van up into the woods to stay at a remote cabin. This is all very reminiscent of about a thousand other films most notably The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974, Hooper . T) and the Friday the 13th films, and some of the characters are already saying inane things about ‘getting off the grid’ that scream ‘please kill me’ but hopefully this is all a ruse, we are all being lured into a false sense of security that this is just another cabin in the woods flick, when really this is something entirely better. Directed and co-written by Drew Goddard the guy who wrote Cloverfield (2008, Reeves . M) (a film he didn’t get half enough credit for due Mr Whedon looming in the background again) which was actually a really great original movie, The Cabin in the Woods looks like it could be a relentless and original horror. This is re-enforced when we see the cabin itself in the trailer with its two way mirrors, hidden cameras and lift to hidden levels. Looking at the poster this could be Saw in the woods, but fingers crossed it will be more substantial than that. All though I just quickly have to point out that the CG bird flying into the CG electric fence is so bad it reeks of Terra nova (2011)

Gone 16/04/12

gone 2Amanda Seyfried stars in what looks from the trailer to be a detective thriller with horror leanings in the ebb of classics like Silence of the Lambs (1991, Demme . J) and Kiss the Girls (1997, Fleder . G). Seyfried escapes the clutches of a murderer who has her down a pit in the woods only for the police  to disbelieve her story, so when the killer comes back to get her and takes her sister instead, she must investigate her sisters disappearance on her own, alone and with no one to trust. Gone seems to basically use the same plot as Kiss the Girls minus Morgan Freeman, but as Seyfried is a reasonably good actress it is nice to see her take on the lead. Wes Bentley was in the trailer but the trailer tried not to focus on his presence too much, which leads me too believe that he is probably the killer. However similarity of plot aside I think this film will be worth a watch, and I am looking forward to seeing it.

The Divide 16/04/12

A quick mention for The Divide which I have heard literally nothing about other than online and am therefore not convinced that it will get a wide cinema release. However the trailer makes it look amazing. The Divide, which I would class as an apocalyptic survival horror, begins with a nuclear blast and the residents of an apartment block heading for the bunker in their basement. Some make it, others are shut out. Those who survive the blast inside the shelter must then survive each other. This also happens to be one of Michael Biehn’s more high profile films for a while and as everyone who has seen Terminator (1984, Cameron . J) or Aliens (1986, Cameron . J) knows he is a legend!